please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
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