haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
