We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
