kristin has been a bad kristin
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
