Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
