so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
