Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
