she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Please don't give away my fajitas
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
