I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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