You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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