i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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