i can't believe i had my finger in that
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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