Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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