the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Randomize
