I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
