somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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