I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Can you bring me the toilet please
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
