Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
