There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Randomize
