similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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