Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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