So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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