it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
