He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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