It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
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