So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I want a musical about memes.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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