Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
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