he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
