i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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