also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
