I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
