Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize