my sisters under your porch take her home
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
