handjob tips. give me some.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
i think i scared a bird with my dick
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Well I just put wine in my tea
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
