WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
