the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize