I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
