Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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