And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
