i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
