You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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