Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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