He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
