fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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