i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
