Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Hippo gnu deer
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
