just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
