It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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