Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
She even gives head with a lisp.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
