you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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