You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
