My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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