How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
