I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
The beer is more important than you right now.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
