Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Randomize