Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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