im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
