oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
