I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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