Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
