I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
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