im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
