I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
