The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Randomize
