Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
