can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
