Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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