We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
