We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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