Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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