Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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