I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
