Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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