i think my tv is drunk
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
