Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
